


Can I be?

by youngjusticewriter



Series: Author's favorites. [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Edward Elric lightly swears, Friendship, Gen, Protective Winry Rockbell, Trans Edward Elric, Trans Female Character, automail is mentioned to be painful because again there isn't enough of that in fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-07-24 01:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16170572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjusticewriter/pseuds/youngjusticewriter
Summary: "Winry." Her best friend's voice is soft and that's not right. Ed is loud in her love, in hatred, and pretty much everything else.Despite fear holding Winry's heart with its cold hand she managed to speak."Yeah?"Ed's eyes are pointedly not looking at Winry. They're staring at the folded dresses in the worn backpack."Can I be a girl -""You are a girl, Ed." Winry thoughtlessly corrects because that's the truth no matter what the adults think that try to shove down their throats.





	1. Chapter 1

Her punishment is not reading anymore of her family's biology books; it hurts more than grounding would (which Winry, despite being eight years old, knows is the point), but with Winry doesn't regret it punching the kid for hurting her girl friend. 

Winry does feel a tiny bit regret for not telling her parents why, but Winry fears telling her parents more (fears them forbidding her from Ed because she's different). Even though the teachers at school never voice it they - Ed, Alphonse, and Winry - aren't stupid like adults often treat kids they are. So, with a stubborn jut in her jaw, Winry had refused to give up the why on the punching incident. That's that's why mom and dad took away her books and put them away where she couldn't find them (or to be more accurate - put them somewhere that's not the highest shelf on their bookcase because Winry figured out a way to reach said high level). 

Grabbing her dresses (a mix of old and new) Winry slams the drawer to her dresser with a huff; okay, maybe adults treating her dumb and for how smart she is is annoying no matter which one they do. 

Hurdily she shoves the folded clothes into her back pack before leaving running out her room. 

"I'm going to Ed and Al's," she tells her parents in a loud voice (it's the only time Winry is allowed to have an outside voice) before going out of the house. 

It's a pretty day today, Winry thinks as she sets off to her friends' home. Thankfully since it's afternoon the weather cool - her friends' house is a bit of a walk from her own. As she walks Winry recalls the bones in the human body to relieve boredom (her parents took away the books but they never forbid her from studying what she remembers).

"Femur, patella, tibia, and fibula," Winry mutters to herself as leaves (that are a pretty mix of colors since it's autumn) crunch under her shoes. 

By the time Winry is at their door she's recalling the bones in a human foot, "Talus, calcaneus, navicular-" 

Winry pauses to knock the wooden door. She has to knock her knuckles hard against it otherwise nobody will hear. 

"cuboid, and cuneiform is the last one," Winry tells herself, a smile wide and bright on her face because she did it. She's so going to be one of the best automail engineers in the country - just like her parents - once she's old enough and it's that thought that makes Winry beam brighter. 

It's Ed who answers the door. Her eyes aren't red, but her hair - even the strand that stands up for some reason - is mess. Oh. 

Winry throws herself forward and hugs her girl friend. Yes, there are some things in life that could be only understood through words, but Winry knows the girl before her hasn't been getting a lot of hugs lately. Ed and Alphonse's mom been a bit sick lately. Winry sure Ed's been giving hugs to Al, but giving a big is differnet than receiving a hug. 

"I'm sorry that kid was a jerk today," Winry whispers to Ed's hair and shoulder. 

She then lets go of Ed before the other girl can say something to ruin the hug. 

Ed opens her mouth, lips parting to say something but Winry rapidly shuts it down. 

"I got you something. Can we head to your room?" 

Ed's gold eyes are wide because she's probably not excepting anything of this. That's okay and Winry will force it to be okay with her hard knuckles, lies, dresses, and hugs. Ed is her friend. So is Alphonse, but it's different with Ed; not because Ed is different, but because Ed's a girl no matter what other people think. 

The moment they reach Ed's room Winry tells her friend to close the door as she takes off her back pack. She offers it to Ed without a word. 

Ed gaze flickers between at it and Winry, but eventually the dummy opens it open. Ed freezes once she does. 

"I thought you might like them," Winry confesses. "I don't use them and I want you too."

It's simple instead of verbose and complicated like adults tend to be, but still Ed stays frozen at the sight of the dresses. Her numbs stay digging into the fabric of the clothes as her her other fingers clutch the book bag.

The silence hurts more than the ache of Winry's right knuckle that she'd use earlier today to defend Ed's honor. 

"Winry." Her best friend's voice is soft and that's not right. Ed is loud in her love, in hatred, and pretty much everything else.

Despite fear holding Winry's heart with its cold hand she managed to speak. 

"Yeah?" 

Ed's eyes are pointedly not looking at Winry. They're staring at the folded dresses in the worn backpack. 

"Can I be a girl -" 

"You are a girl, Ed." Winry thoughtlessly corrects because that's the truth no matter what the adults think that try to shove down their throats. 

Ed shakes her head, frustration easy to read on her face as though Ed was simply a book. 

"That's not what I meant Winry," she snaps. "I'm girl - shit do I know I'm a girl and so does Al and you, but can I be a girl like you? Can't I just be a girl that doesn't wear dresses? I know those bastards don't accept me as a girl and dresses would make that easier but can't I be a girl without dresses?"

She's still holding onto the book bag - the dresses - in a death grip. Ed's knuckles are as white as ghosts. 

Gingerly Winry puts her hands on Ed's and opens her mouth. There are things only words can convey after all. 

"You can be whatever you are no matter what anybody thinks or says I promise," Winry swears to her. 

(Three years later she can no longer keep that promise because Edlyn was off to be a state alchemist.)


	2. Chapter 2

The wood squeaks under her weight - under the heavy automail to be exact. Edlyn stares at the unopened dresser, her eyes burn like automail does with every moment; because one year is not enough despite how Edlyn pretends otherwise with a brash attitude (least she can feel pain, least she can cry even if it's selfish, unlike Al who can't because of her). 

Edlyn closes her eyes so she doesn't cry. She takes deep breathes of air and gasoline (it doesn't help) in and out of her lungs. Eventually Edlyn opens them again (she still wants to cry despite the resolve she must have - Edlyn couldn't have a home to return to). They, of course, fall onto the dresser the dresses had been shoved in. Shoved (but not forgotten - the gifts were never forgotten) because what if the old lady was just another adult; what if she refused to teach her and Alphonse because Edlyn didn't feel right in a boy's skin and name? Edlyn wasn't going to risk it so she had shoved them in the dresser and they had stayed there since. 

Now all Edlyn wants is to take them out before burning their house down. But she can't. Just like Edlyn can't have a home to return to Edlyn couldn't keep Winry's dresses - the military would never accept her for who she truly was so Edlyn must be Edward for her brother's sake. 

It'll be simple, Edlyn lies to herself and damn well knows she's doing so (like if she thinks it over and over it would become reality - how stupid she is). It'll be like the confident attitude she wears when her body hurts (Has it ever actually stopped?) because if Winry or Granny knew how much pain Edlyn was in they never let her go join the military to get Al his body back. 

Edlyn doesn't cry when she walks out of her old room. Edlyn keeps her chin high - the sooner she gets Al his body back the sooner she won't have to lie, the sooner she can buy new dresses. It doesn't matter if Winry's gifts burn, Edlyn tells herself. She can't wear them and she's probably have a growth spurt by then so she'll have buy new ones. 

(Edlyn will take Winry out with her to buy dresses and mechanic stuff that day to make up from the gifts that are about to be ashes.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry Ed going to have her happy ending.


	3. Chapter 3

Edward. 

Six letters, one word, and she grows to hate it. This isn't something she can fight against with with her fists and alchemy nor is it something she can publicly rage about like her shortness. Hell she can't even taunt it! 

It had taken years to find an actually name that had been okay: Edlyn. Now she's grown to hate it and Ed too. It's selfish, she thinks; just one more thing to ask of Al who calls her that nickname, Ed, because she couldn't handle being referred to as Edward by him all the time. 

Fullmetal though she doesn't mind. It's not her birth name nor something based of it.   
It's a name she earned herself and that makes it...something. Using easier to describe it doesn't feel right but it's the only word she can think of. 

One day she'll find a name that she'll love and wont eventually fester. Till then she's the Fullmetal Alchemist - the people's alchemist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Al really wouldn't mind despite what his sister thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not transgender myself nor do I know anyone transgender, but I wanted to write this because do transgender females get treated less seriously (and that's assuming if they're treated with respect to begin with) if they don't want to wear dresses or skirts? 
> 
> Like ones clothes qualify their gender and if she don't wear them she isn't really a she. Do people say "he'll grow out of it?" to her? 
> 
> I do hope this fic and my questions aren't insulting to anyone transgender. 
> 
> Also, yes, Winry was ironically naming the bones in the leg and foot.


End file.
